Matrimonial Madness!

I have renamed this year from “Year of horse” to “Year of weddings”  Every day some or the other friends call me up to say “Hey! Am getting married” or more often I get the news through our Mark Zuckerberg’s E-spy who dutifully informs me if anybody gets married or gets engaged 

Weddings are fun… errrr… Let me reframe it …wedding discussion and the process involved is fun if we are just a spectator  Here are few things that made me  , do a #facepalm,  ,  and of course 

I called up my friend to check with her whether she is available for a meet. She heard and gave me a reaction as if I called her to push her down from a 20-storey building  She said “Hey I have so much of wedding shopping to be done… Its so tough” I was completely taken aback…I didn’t even get the slightest hint about her wedding till that day..I cursed Mark’s spy for letting me down (While cursing, I was frantically scrolling the page for the hints  ) I hid my shock and asked “You are getting married?Wow! You never told me… Idiot! ” She laughed and remarked “Ya am getting married! But we are yet to find the guy… Thought will tell you once we finalize a guy” I was searching for expressions to react…Sensing my non-expressive silence she explained that she was all set to complete majority of her wedding shopping now as she wasn’t sure whether she would get time for all this once wedding is fixed  Trust me… I was speechless!

One thing which irritated me a lot offlate was the matrimonial ads that my friend showed me. Everything almost the same “A good looking guy/girl completed some xyz degree is looking for a suitable good looking, responsible bride/groom. Contact :+91XXXXXXXXX”. It was nothing but ads in OLX or Quickr rephrased. “A machine with very good spare parts and attractive design in working condition ready for sale. Interested buyers contact:+91XXXXXXXXX. Living and non-living…both are bought/sold the same way?� 

I too had few first hand experience in the past few days. When the girl is about to reach her mid 20s, wedding is the first thing that people talk about especially when you are around. Am no  different.

#Scene  : At some xyz’s abc function

In a typical Indian arranged marriage, each and every person of the family has an opinion about the “perfect” guy who might be eligible to join their clan    Presenting my Kurkure family as the panelists  for the most heated discussion on ‘How should the guy be?’

Mom: He should be smart, handsome, intelligent… (add all positive adjectives possible) guy. *mindvoice* On the whole, a non-existent guy 

Dad: He should be a confident guy like Modi. He should be cute (dimples prefered ) like Rahul but definitely should have the potential to convice people with his opinions even if the entire world is against him…something like our Arnab. *mindvoice* Hopefully the political groom doesn’t sit on a dharna like kejriwal when he finds the priest hiding a ghee bottle in his bag 

Cousin1 : He should be a Man-U fan … shouts *Man-U Man-U*

Cousin 2: No… he should be Arsenal supporter … *both get away fighting* #facepalm

Cousin 3 (younger sister): He should be from the north… cos north guys are sooooooooo cute  *mindvoice* Oh ! her recent crush is a north indian

Cousin 4(another sis): Shut up! Guys from south are the best…. Please keep your opinion to yourself *mindvoice* Ahem Ahem..Point noted ! Mark’s e spy…Here I come

Aunt: He should be as smart as RK of madhubala (goes on and on till she covers every possible character from her favourite serials) *mindvoice* Somebody please disconnect her cable channels.

Granny: She likes somebody called Shahid Kapoor. I feel they should go ahead and finalize him. But these people don’t listen *mind voice* Paaaaaati! You are the best!

So finally the question turns to the victim

Yours truely : I don’t want to get married now! Period!

100s of mind voices with 1000s of questions 

Tamasha Continues 

Fat Thoughts

“Pehle mein bahuth moti thi…Bahuth pareshan thi…” an American model was whining in a language completely foreign to her The dubbing voice made sure, it did justice with the modulation and the model’s expression A photo which bore no resemblance to her was flashing at the top of the screen. The girl…errr…. rather woman on the photo was 5 times the size of the model who was talking. It was yet another advertisement for one of the getting-thin-in-10-days type of products. I don’t understand how these people could (claim to) so easily go to Amazon forest to make all kinds of products time and again

Offlate, people have become a lot more health conscious which is of course a very good sign. Products that claim to have only natural products, no added sugar, no added fat are the hot cakes(I mean cakes without sugar and no added fat ) in the market. There are heath tips shared at every given chance. Beetroot juice, Carrot juice are on a close competition to bag the first palce as the most sought after juices in the juice counter All is well till it doesn’t go overboard..But if it does… Phew!

 

Brownie- The enemy

I went out with a cousin of mine and her friends…It’s a type of gang that asks “Do you use skimmed milk?” to a completely confused saravan bhavan waiter on seeing the menu card So I ended up with such a gang in a coffee shop. While scanning the menu card, my eyes got struck at a brownie picture and was so tempted to have it. We placed orders… I didn’t pay heed to what they ordered as my mind was too pre occupied with the brownie picture flashing every second. Orders arrived. I had a 1000 watt smile seeing my love arrive exclusively for me I was all set… As soon as my knife touched it, one of the girls yelled out “OMG! You are going to have this? “ I looked around, observing my brownie in all possible directions to find atleast a minor defect. It looked very much perfect to me and of course more tempting now! Seeing my perplexed look, she continued “Sooooo many calories…. Just can’t think of it! I would have to starve for a week to compensate that” I dropped my knife for a split of a second… Later, I replied “Ahhh! Good that you told me… Else I would have offered it to you! ” and I continued enjoying my brownie dearest

Say Cheeeese

Am a big fan of cheese right from when I was a kid! I still remember, when in school, I used to have cheese cubes for snacks. I used to relish cheese with so much love that seeing me eat like that, my neighbour who is a milk hater started eating cheese… of course… got addicted to it Going by my cheese love history, I first look out for cheese related starters… mostly I just have starters and desserts… skip the main course I shouted “Cheese balls” as my vote for starter… My sister paid no heed! She ordered some lettuce based starter quoting “Cheese is not good…Have healthy food always” I felt like a rabbit…feeding on the lettuce leaves

Similar incidents have happened with my dil ki dadkan… chocolates… people were so opposed to our love for eachother that they tried all possible means to pull us apart! But as you know… Love conquers all hurdles! And we found eachother inseparable

So what am trying to tell is… Eat healthy! But don’t let it dig a grave and bury your taste buds as well as that of others next to you

So #NoteToSelf: Never go to a restaurant with fitness freaks