Wassup?

I hope you remember that I have a brain that's actually my biggest villain. It makes words just disappear from my head when I most need them but keeps singing the song (only the first line)  that I hate the most, all through the day after picking up the first line from somewhere. So yeah, one such song is going on in my head and I'm trying to distract it with the tik tik tik sound of my keyboard.

Has anyone wondered that Mark Zuckerburg could have been that nosy aunt who loves gossiping about anyone and anything in previous birth or parallel universe or anywhere else that you believe exists? I have always had that thought :P (Yes, thanks to my brain!). So he landed on Earth and gave gossiping a tinge of coolness rather than doing it, the age old way of sitting in a circle and talking about people. All you have to do is, click a button and there you go, everything about a person's life. Who is with whom, who is eating what ... And then he acquired Whatsapp too again proving my point that he was that nosy aunt before :P I had to get my parents introduced to that virtual-nosy-aunt, it was fun. I gave them KT and before I could get a reverse KT, I was here. So direct hands-on it was. Whenever I used a new smiley, my mom would call me and ask what does that smiley mean :P She'll make sure to use it the next time whenever there is a chance. I have got an earful many a time. Here goes a sample, please don't tell anyone...You'll know why when you read it *monkeyclosedeyes*

Me: * monkeyclosedeyes*

Mom:  Why are you sending a monkey to me?

Me : It means facepalm *puts girl with hand on head smiley*

Mom: I don't know what's facepalm .Do not hit your head with your hand . How many times to tell you that it is a bad habit.

Me: Ok *loses patience*

Mom: *continues* Always use happy smileys, then only you'll also be smiling. Avoid that head -hitting-smiley

Me: *1 row full of facepalm smiley* and logs out

Mom: Had dinner?

Me: Yup!

Mom: What does yup mean?

Me: Yup means yes *eye roll*

Mom: You and your language. Why do you have to change yes to yup. Both are 3 letters.

Me: *mouth zipped*

Me: Ma... I have poured oil, then added mustard, chilli and methi. what to do next? Type fast

Mom- typing

Mom-typing

Mom-typing

After 2 whole minutes

Mom: Hi. What are you doing?

Me *keeps my phone aside*

Every single time when this guy drops his HIV+ blood in frooty/slice/maaza bottles and NDTV informs it, I will be getting this message cautioning me to not drink (irrespective of whether it is available here or not :P) ...Now tell me what can I do without sending monkeyclosed eyes or facepalm?

Do you know who keeps Mark Zuckerberg's account increasing? None other than your mamas, mamis, chaachas, chaachis, didi1, didi2,didi3, didi(n), cousin's cousin's cousin...In short family groups. I realise that something is wrong with my network or Whatsapp when family group(s) don't have message ticking. Else there will be 51 forwards in 2 hrs and 50 minutes with 46 being a repeat of whatever someone else posted in the previous 2 hrs 50 minutes and 5 will be ones that are there in the family group (2) as part of one of the 51s. In short, it is the same message that will go round and round till it reaches the group from where it started. It will start with 'Good morning' with God/Flowers/Quotes and go on till 'Good night' with baby sleeping/cute animals/again God...In between you'll have 5 things to remember, 10 things to lead a happy life, 15 things to know about vegetables, 20 things to know about anything-under-the-sun, HIV+ blood in maaza/slice/frooti, ISIS people starting WhatsApp group and sending invitation to everyone like it is a wedding (really?) , high radiation alert between 2 am and 6 am every other day, moon will seem bigger tonight, dads are priceless, salute women, proud to be daughter,  send it to people who are special,beautiful, all adjectives...Not to forget the at least 15 MB videos at regular intervals. Phew! At times, I get confused which group is what as I'll see same forward in all the groups at the same time. Lol :P 

If at 1.30 am you are not sleepy, open FB/WhatsApp and find out '20 ways to fall asleep'.. See it's useful. No...You are not allowed to just shut down your phone and eyes...That's prohibited! :P The other day I asked my friend, 'Hey is it raining outside?' She got up and rushed to her room. I was wondering why is she going in when the balcony is just here.  She replied, 'Yes!Light rain.' looking down at her phone :P How stupid of me :P

Successfully Dee won the chance to be my trainer for driving :P Bloopers are piling up :P Looks like I'll have to do part 1,2, 3 to cover all ;)

My friend: Cinco de mayo

It was lunch hour, so I thought she was talking something about mayo (mayonnaise) and was about to ask why is she asking me to take mayo for curd rice when I have Priya's mango pickle  *monkeyclosdeyes*

Thankfully, another added 'Yes! It is May 5th' I did a Joey nod like I got it and stuffed a spoonful of curd rice to stop my brain from giving me more weird ideas.

Desiness Vs Videsiness

I had been thinking of writing this for a long time now. Finally, I just took out my laptop and decided to write it down, come what may. So here I am, ignoring my dinner preparation to write it down....see how big a sacrifice (*clears throat*). From the moment I had landed here, my desi brain was playing spot-differences-game and was always comparing the desiness to the videsiness :P So when my brain has done so much prep work, why not make use of it before it evaporates forever :P Here we go, life in Charlotte vs life in Chennai.

->Hunting a house for rent

Chennai:

As soon as you think about shifting your house...let alone shifting, for buying, selling, searching a maid, looking for bride/groom...first thing is inform that particular aunty/uncle in your area who will act as a broadcaster and spread the word to far and wide....So far way that you may get a call enquiring the same even from neighbouring continent or even planet :P  Next job is telling all neighbour kadai annas to collect and keep Adyar times, thiruvanmayur times, anna nagar times...precisely all-areas-in Chennai times. Then circle the suitable ones and contact. Not sure about the house but you'll end up finding at least one somebody's some cousin in the process and end up talking for 30 minutes :P So you'll have to undergo strict interview process of answering questions before you are even allowed to see the house...It is said that even visa interview and immigration scrutiny was inspired by this process. You are finallyallowed into a house (To visit and check). After agreeing to all the terms and conditions and negotiating to 10 months advance, you get ready to move. Oh yeah! Moving is inclusive of changing newspaper-guy, cable-guy, milk-guy,etc etc !

Charlotte:

It's community and not apartment! Google becomes the aunty/uncle here. Search for the neighbouring communities to your workplace, give details on their website and check availability for the move-in date mentioned. Every community has a leasing office (proxy house-owner) which will be more like air-hostess kind of ladies who smile and say happy-to-help when you check the model houses (here we have model houses to just have a tour) and then with the same smile say sorry- we-are-not-responsible-for-that after we move in and become a resident. You'll have a credit history check (You are always being watched!) and your security deposit is waived or reduced depending on how good have you been (Hence, Proved! Santas exist :P).They ask you 'Do you prefer the 1st floor or 2nd floor'. You say 1st floor and expect to be taken one flight of stairs up...Be ready to be disappointed. 1st floor = Our ground floor ...  For the benefit of all, I have burnt the midnight oil to come up with the formula to avoid confusion, pls note down and by heart- Our floor number N= Amreekan floor (A)-1. You'll have the patio and not the balcony in every house :P No tension to newspaper-guy, cable-guy, milk-guy cos you are everything here...Just inform yourself to move on the correct date :P Before your lease ends, you'll have a strict inspection and check to see the amount of damage done! (You are always watched :P)

-> Cleaning the house

Chennai:

'Aishu...sit on the bed or sofa with your feet up. Give way for the maid to sweep/mob.'

When maid and mom are together, the very own daughter becomes a stranger. They have such an emotional bond. This is an everyday activity. Even if one day maid is on leave, entire house will be turned upside down. In the case of no maid, sweeping and mobbing will be an everyday activity.

Charlotte:

'Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr' *bgm* 'Aishu ...what are you doing?'
'Nothing ma... Sunday! Vaccuming the house...once in a week activity (which later becomes alternate weeks) :P
Carpet flooring ma...how will it get dirty' :P  *hiding the dust jar of vacuum*

-> Making Plans to go out

Chennai:

'Shall I take bus...Get down at that stop then share-auto?'
'Even train would work'
'May be I should take auto?*seeing the known anna's auto outside your gate*
'Should I book uber...let me check the price.'
Finally decides to take ola-share or uber-pool

Charlotte:

Take your car *no thinking*
No car- Book uber/ carpool with a friend.
Uber arrives -driver name harry- you expect a guy (uber drivers are always guys from Chn experience) but there she is, smiling and ready to take you on a tour!

-> Grocery Shopping

Chennai:

'Aishu..Go and get 1 packet of jeera and mustard from Ramesh stores... Come soon! I have kept oil to heat.' I will have to rush to the grocery store across the street and come with jeera, mustard and eclairs chocolate as he doesn't have change. My mom will give a huge list at the starting of the month and the guy will deliver in a big carton. I will be excited to open it always like it is some gift box :P

Charlotte:

Dedicate a day for 'Grocery Shopping'. Make a list ...Take your car/Book cab, spend half a day, get whatever you need (planned for a month but lasts for 3 weeks), get the trolly to your car (No annas to help you with the loading...only self service :P )dump it in the trunk of your car till it can hold no more, come home exhausted and make noodles in 5 minutes for dinner :P

-> Cooking

Chennai:

'Amma...I'm hungry! What's for lunch'
'Eeeeeew...I hate beans!'
Within 10 minutes
*potato fry ready*

Charlotte:

Scenario1:

'What shall we make?'
*opens the fridge and stares at all the instant food available*
What about salad? We should eat something healthy..Okay?!' *starts eating raw vegetables and fruits*

Scenario2:

Me: 'Amma...send recipe for avial'
*Follows the recipe verbatim and makes repeated video calls*
Tadaa...Morkozhambu ready! (Well yeah...started as avial but then it became morkozhambu at the end) :P

->Dogs!

Chennai:

You have to escape every single dog after you step out. But still, you'll hear a 'Woof or a lol' to make your heartbeat skip.

Charlotte:

THE SAME!

Dogs never let me in peace even if the owners are close-by...Do they? (Story in some other post)

Having proved the point that car is mandatory here, I'm in the process of finalizing my trainer...just 4 classes you see :P One is Mr Mark who is on the first street from my house (Margabandhu mudhal theru...this impressed me to add him to the finalists list ) and another is Ms Dee (Remember Dee for Death from Shiva's Tamizh padam?')..I'm curious to see her...So there are lots more to add to compare and contrast and lot more blooper episodes (obviously...car driving) to follow. Have a great week ahead folks! 

PS: No... Not necessarily all people abroad watched Baahubali, 1st-day 1st show to find why kattappa killed Baahubali :P