A girl has no name

If Arya Stark was from Chennai and was instead called Arivazhagi Santhanagopalan, she could have achieved the 'a girl has no name' status effortlessly in the US of A. People who got the reference, 'Thank you! Please visit again for the next post.' People who didn't, you are my audience for this post as we are going to deal with this in detail :P

Flashback *mosquito coil*

A cute girl baby *cough cough* was born and people around were contemplating about what do we call her. 'Inky pink ponky', 'O God please tell me who is the catcher' , 'Ini mini mina moe' and everything was used. All permutations and combinations like ' kabimkubam', 'kambikumba', 'kumbibaagam' was tried and finally announcement came from the parents, 'Let's give her a name that is very common here such that she ends up with atleast one another person sharing the name in the class...But...*dramatically rubbing palms* make it unique by giving her a different spelling. This will make her stand out in the crowd' *evil laugh* From then on, this girl used to walk to the teacher on the first day of every new academic year citing a misspelling in the attendance register. She would always be heard stressing, 'My name is 'A-I-S-W-A-R-Y-A'. You see, there is no H in between. In India, she had become, 'A girl with so many names'-Ishwarya', 'Ishvarya','Isvarya', 'Aishwarya'. She always had 3 people standing up with her when her name was called and ended up having number with name during most of her school life. She was 'Roll number 4 Ais(h)warya'...please come here.' And then the story went on till she graduated and joined an IT company like most of the Ais(h)waryas but here you don't call people by name. It is your associate ID that becomes your pseudo name and hence she became ' A girl who has a number as a name'  If you are going go 'chu chu chu' *feeling pity not a dog's signal* now, get ready with a box of tissues (hey we say tissues and not kerchief ...Amreeekan language conversion yaar :P) as it is going to be one soga kadhai (sad story). Brace yourself and read further *enough of drama*

So this girl travels to the US of A, feeling relieved that there is no more sharing name with the person sitting beside you and she is going to be relieved of checking the spelling. Here comes the twist in the story. First day, call with the fellow Amreekans,

Amrk: 'Hey! Welcome to the team'
She * feeling happy as the name read correctly on the screen...mutiple violins symphony bgm*- "Thanks!"
Amrk: 'What's your name? Sorry I didn't get it "
She:  *stares at him like climax nayagan kamal choking with disbelief with a single violin doordashan BGM*-
After she tries her best to take free pronunciation class for the next 5 minutes,
Amrk: "Ahhh...I get it! Aish vaaya'
*mindvoice* Ennadu idhu...Vaaya poya nu mariyadha illama pesara (Translation : *typed...erased*)
She: 'Yesssss! Perfect!' *takes a deep breath*

From then on, unsaid agenda for every following call will be 'pronunciation' class for the first 5 minutes and end up with even more permutations combinations.

Amrk1: 'Hey! I'm Mike' *extending hand for handshake*
She *mind voice* : Ennn da ennnn... ivlo neram nalla dhana poitu irundhdhu (Things were fine till now)
*Clears throat* : 'HI Mike! I'm Aiswarya!'
Amrk1: "Sorry what?" makes all possible mouth gestures ( in an attempt to recreate the word which would have got few chappals and thodapakattai  or a remark 'Paaku- ellam inga thuppa koodadhu sir'  if in Chennai but finally gives up.
She: "Yeah ! It's difficult! But a common name in India". Diplomatically asking him to stop trying.
Amrk1 *asks for a repeat performance and sees the lip movement*- 'Ahhhh ...It's Aish-Swaha'
She: Yes! Absolutely right! *name-swaha*
Amrk1: He ll give a vida muyarchi vishwarooba vetri smile (smile relishing the success of 100 trials) and will walk away marking the task for the day of Swaha-ing a name as accomplished.

So everytime there is a group of Amreekans, she ll have to literally send telepathy waves asking them to just not ask her name. But never once had it worked! After an elaborate conversation when the person had actually forgotten to ask her name
She *mind voice* Soona paana apdiye continue pannu...neee en pera kekadha naan un pera keka maaten...epdi namma dealing! (Do not ask my name! Period!)
Amrk2 *catching the mistranslated telepathy waves...This is the problem with translation...Never has translation worked*- 'I'm sorry! What's your name? Pardon my bad memory!'
She *Ussss habbbaaa...Ippove kanna kattudhe* Explains the pronunciation and realizes lunch is over and tea time is here
Amrk2: Impatiently ..."Gotcha! Aish-warrior" Wow! A brave name!
She *faints*

You know who the brave warrior is, obviously, Yours Truly! Like the Moov ad of 'Ah se Aha thak', anyone around uses a word that starts with 'Ah and ends with Aha' will get my due response and acknowledgement cos I'm a girl who has no name!

At the end of the day , when I return home and start my music player, 'Un perai sonnalae ull naaku thithikudhe' sings by hammering the final nail to the coffin. Venam Venam! Valikidhu! Azhudhuruven!

Desi me: If they have so much of a trouble pronouncing my name, what will happen if Thillu Mullu movie's 'Aiyampettai Arivudainambi Kaliyaperumal Chandran' or 'Aiyampettai Arivudainambi Kaliyaperumal Indran' shows up in Amreeeka? *Aiyaayooo to Aala vidungo* Amreeka Shock! Superstar rocks! :P


So here is Aish Swaaha, Aish-Vaaya, Aish-warior, Aaah yeah, Aa...something something...yup signing off till my next post!

Amreekens and Arisi vadaam

The first thing I did after moving into new house was setting up the filter. Everyday morning I'm waking up to the smell of hot fresh filter kaapi (decoction extra 😜) making it a StarBagyam morning to me ;)  As I was sipping my morning Kaapi, I stepped out to check if I have 'The Hindu' at my doorstep *exaggeration alert* During that momentary travel from Charlotte to Chennai when I opened the door and stepped out, I was greeted by atleast a handful of Americans *Sare jahan se accha bgm soon changed to We shall overcome* and I was brought back. Everytime I walk or any moment I'm out, I will definitely be smiled by good number of Americans. No American will just walk past you ignoring your presence. Initially, I felt very weird with this attention cos as an Indian we are brought up with this idea , 'Don't smile or take biscuits from a stranger but you can definitely marry a stranger' and so we walk like zombies , keeping an expressionless stoneface. In elevators, we become zombie++. We might even freeze and hold our breath but won't talk or smile at the person nearby as our eyes will get transfixed at the floor display as if we are just learning numbers and seeing the up arrow and down arrow with full concentration. Coming from this background, I was taken a little aback with this over dosage of attention and goodiness. The first act I experienced was in flight. Did I mention it earlier? Never mind :P In the Chennai to Abu Dhabi flight, I was sitting beside a stranger and being the pakka desis, we gave a cautious smile like we are going to open the and offer biscuit packets if the smile is of an extra inch and put on the headset. From then on we were two different entities. I had ordered Asian veg meal and was waiting for my order. The one next to me had got his. He opened and didn't even do a small talk about my dinner as a courtesy. I didn't find it odd at that moment as I was used to such a behaviour. Cut this scene and we open the next scene in Chicago to Charlotte, American Airlines.I was walking in with my baggage and was cautiously looking at the seat numbers clearly giving away that it is my first visit. When I reach my seat, this guy was already standing and I was a little doubtful as it was my seat ...Yeah yeah...The IRCTC habit :P The guy, looking at my expression got up immediately and said , 'sorry ma'am...It's your seat. I was I was just adjusting my bags.' He immediately gestured me to hand over my bags to keep it on the overhead cabins. When we settled in our seats, he remarked about the weather (that's the conversation starter ) and shook hands introducing his family who were on the other side. He enquired about my travel as if he is a long lost friend of mine and whenever we were offered food or drink, he made it a point to pass it to me first. When his son went to get some juice, he asked his dad who was beside me and immediately he asked me too if I need some. They imbibe this quality of being courteous from a very young age. So after I entered You-Yesss-of-Yaee, I was asked "Hey how do u do?" "Hey ! How's it going?" This is the secret of Amreekans seeming happy always. Even when you are feeling down at dumps, you ll be forced to reply positively to the greeting with a smile. So what I'm trying to imply here is as we watch the press relase of Dhoni stepping down from captaincy and puff that slight tear forming the end of our eye, there will be atleast 2 Johns, 2 Mikes and 1 Sam to walk past us saying "How do you do?", "Isn't it a bright morning?" and "Hey, what's up buddy? Everything goin good?"...After smiling intermittently to each one and muttering 'Goin good' with the same enthusiasm, we will go 'Ennachhu' forgetting the cause of our tear and finally end up saying 'Ada po pa.. IPL is there. CSK will be back dawww...Dhoni dawww...Captain dawww' and will carry on with our work.

During the christmas holidays, I was busy shopping... Yeah thanksgiving to Christmas looks like our Aadi Thallubadi... Buy 1 get 1 or 50% to 75% off or  Marlin Monroe use panna soap-u dabba free free free... Wherever you go, the magic word "Free" plays wonders. All malls immediately turned from spencers plaza to Saravana stores buzzing with people...Seeing so many people I couldn't help saying "Dei...Ivlo nerama neengalam enga da olinjitu irundheenga" ( Where were you all hiding for so long?) So yeah, coming to the point, when I was trying all possible clearance stuffs , I missed my winter jacket in one of the bundle of clothes I discarded in the store. As I was walking stealthily, looking around, I saw lady looking at me with a broad smile and exclaimed , "Hey there! Nice collections huh? These are my selections! You can got those on that stand". Indirectly she notified my thiruttu muzhi .  I had to smile and say, "Oh no! I'm looking for my jacket that I had left behind by mistake." She went, "Oh dear! I's so cold outside! Jamie! Can I get some help here. This lady has left behind her jacket here". Within few seconds I had 5 people looking for that 1 brown spencer plaza jacket. I was very much inclined to do a Kamal reaction of 'Ah Aaah' and emotionally choking and the abundant shower of love. Oh yeah! I got my jacket.

Recently half my house went dark. My roommate asked me whether it is like in India...one phase electricity is out. I rubbished it 'Hey this is US yaar...Come on'. We called one of our friends residing in the same community (Self talk:When start calling apartments as community, you are definitely settling in)  but no response. This is when our desi minds come to its form wearing lungis. 'Do we ask our neighbours?' Trust me! It has been one month but none of us know who is residing near us. We knocked the door of the house that had a nice doormat...yeah we chose the house based on the doormats. A guy in mid 40s with biceps and tatoo opened the door. In short, he was the villain that all the heros protect their heroines from and the bad guy from whom moms warn us from taking the biscuits.I heard us both gulping down saliva at the same time. Our villain was still starring with a quizzical look and my brain was still having the lungi on and I asked, " Hi! We have just moved in to that house. All of a sudden power supply went down for one half of the house. We are not sure what to do.Are you facing the same issue?'. In short it was the age old practice of looking at your neighbour's house to check if they have power when our house goes dark...Mainly to become happy :P He nodded and said , 'Not at all...Look! I have power supply.' His 'fully lighted' house was worse than my 'half lit' house. It was the house with light equivalent to 2 lit candles. He was grinning and as we were saying thanks and thinking on what to do next , he immediately jumped to rescue, 'Hey! I know what would have gone wrong. I can help you out. Can I come in?" And boom! he was heading to our house before we could respond. He then shook hand saying , 'Hi I'm Kevin!' He stormed into the house . My friend was cautiously standing out with the door open ready to lock him in :P I was walking behind him with my heart in my mouth. He went to a grey box and pushed few buttons and gave us knowledge transition. It was an 'Ada cha' moment. It is our very same 'Phase is tripped...Push it' after you grind a heavy load of idly podi in your mixie. The light that burned behind my head reflected my emoji at that time. Kevin gave a thumbsup and asked if there was any other issues . After that, we saw him a couple of times and he asked us, 'Hey there! Is everything going good? All nice and settled?' . Whenever he walks past us I hear, 'Andha vaanatha pola manam padacha mannavane' with Kevin putting his thundu on his shoulder and marching with a kadhir vetti sattai .

So moral of the stories is that wherever you go in the world, gaaaptains, kamals and vadivelus will follow you.

I almost forgot to mention the other half of the post's tite. Having established the fact that Amreekans are pasakara pasanga (Google translate:Affectionate guys), I was asked by this person to try the new crisps that she got. When I did, I couldn't help saying, 'Hey! This is our arisi vadaam!' I can buy this as side dish for sambhar rice *mind voice*