You must be wondering what does this title mean (Yes- You are selected, No- Following lines are for you)! I know there are few Thenavattu-Thangavelus who’ll say, ‘I didn’t wonder’- Thoppi Thoppi Thoppi! To all those Thenavattu Thangavelus, I’ll note down your names and will make your managers to ask the meaning in your YEA meetings (Of course, I’ll give the answer key)…Muhahahahaha
Now let’s start from the beginning again, I know you must all be wondering about the title…Please don’t google, it might crash! This is a secret language that was lost in 100 BC and was rediscovered by me with the help of my auto-correct feature.
Just like our autos in front of railway stations pulling everyone into the luxury vehicle without even checking if they want their service, my auto-correct will take all possible savaris (trips) that come its way and will incorrect it…Sample becomes Sambhar (Try the sambhar and then decide), Channa becomes Chennai (We made Chennai with roti)…It adds morning/night (as per its wish) to good. So if I want to compliment saying ‘This is so good!’ It will be sent as this is so good morning. It’s definitely a conspiracy! When I want to convey some message, the conspirators manipulate it in such a way, the total meaning is lost. The most serious sentence becomes the most hilarious one…Once I had (meant) to send ‘Hey! I’m on my way. Will be there in few minutes’…Guess what was the actual message…”Hey! I’m Onam ay. Wilderness in few minutes.” The best part is even for this message, I got the reply as “ok.Sure!” Hence, proved! Theory 1- Our brain is trained to look past the autocorrect and read it correctly or Theory 2- No one reads trhe tesxt! In a way, autocorrect is like Arnab Goswami, you have to listen to it, whatever it may be!
While we are still on this topic, I have a confession to make. So I was moved to this new team and I was struck in meetings from 8 am to 5 pm continuously as it is just starting up. Me being the one with loud-speaker voice, even the normal conversation would sound like an argument. When I was on call, there was this angel-me (Just like the ones you see in movies- When the actor is in dilemma, his clones stand on either side…One is the angel and the other one is the evil one. Both will confuse the already confused actor and finally, they’ll go in when he shouts Nooooooo’.) So yeah, the angel-me stood out (evil me is always in me..We cannot be separated) and showed me the picture of how I am in calls “Listen to me, listen to me…No No No…That’s not how it should be. Let me set up a meeting with him rightaway”. And then, Arnab laughed at me!
So we have demo meetings with the business stakeholders. During the wait-period (application loading time :P) we will distract (ahem)by initiating small talks. During one such session, he told us that his son went to attend his best friend’s wedding who married an Indian. He was confused as the wedding went on and on and it was a never-ending process. He also told us ‘Suddenly there was a talent show. Each one had to perform something to the crowd. My son was also asked to perform and he had a hard time refusing them. Why do you have a talent show in a wedding?’ At first, I didn’t understand what he meant by talent show and when I did, I burst out laughing. If you still haven’t figured out, well well well, it’s called Sangeeth ceremony to us and talent show to the rest of the world
Matrimonial madness continues even beyond borders!
Having been strictly banned from mocking anything related to matrimony for a while (I have lots of content on this topic) by the home minister (Democracy zindabad), I still cannot stop myself from narrating this conversation that happened with my friend
Me: I met this guy at the bus station! You should hear about him!
She: Oooooooh! Should I be excited? Where is he from? How old is he? Did you ask details? Should we ask for his jaadhagam (horoscope) *Such a Mylapore behaviour moment*
Me: Sure! I can ask him! But I don’t think he will be ready to give so many details as he got released from prison this morning. He served 24 months after having caught in the possession of 250g of stuff.
She : *2 min of silence* How can you talk to strangers? Don’t you have any seriousness? Why do you talk to some random guys…Just stay away…okay? Don’t do anything stupid.
Me: Hey, what about his jaadhagam?
People, I say!
So this American friend of mine asked me how to wish ‘Happy Birthday’ in Tamil. Immediately, I saw two horns pop on my head. Firstly, I don’t know why he wanted Tamil translation when the birthday boy was actually Telugu. Since I’m basically very helpful , I immediately helped him with the translation which can be considered similar to Mouna Ragam’s ‘Poda dei…Ukkaru da somberi’. All I said was, ‘Chennai super kings ku whistle podu!’ Though he was perplexed with the usage of Chennai and kings…I managed by saying , ‘It s an age-old wish and translates to you’ll have a Chennai- King-like year’. Well, It’s my bit to announce CSK is back, *whistles* *drumroll* Oh you people want to know the ending, well, he didn’t remember it and ended up wishing happy birthday. Such a bummer!
I have many cab stories (I’ll write a dedicated post for that)…So on one fine day, I booked uber. As soon as I sat in, usually I initiate a conversation. On that day, I was preoccupied with something and didn’t pay much attention to the driver. I just sat with the customary ‘Hey! How’ya doin?’ Within few minutes, he asked me ‘Work ah ma? WIFI hotspot on pannata?’ I replied without looking up , ‘Illa na..Thanks!’ And then, it struck! I’m in Charlotte and not in Chennai. Did we actually have a conversation in Tamil? I now looked up with ‘Ada!’ expression. He looked at me in the mirror and said, I’m also an IT employee. Now quit and going to join another company. So now I have a break of 2 months …So driving whenever I feel like! That 20-minute ride felt like the share-auto/cab in Chennai…It was totally a Nyabagam varudhe Nyabagam varudhe scene *wipes tears using disinfectant wipes and reapplies moisturizer*
I called this friend of mine and I heard ‘Shape of You’ playing loudly in a horrible speaker behind. I enquired whether it is her brother at home. She immediately laughed and said ‘ Hey! It’s Amman Koyil thiruvizha time… That’s playing in loudspeakers.’ OMG!!! Amman koyil thiruvizha song :O From Made-In-India to Shape-of-You, what a transformation! Technology has improved so much
Now with Rajini entering politics, Kamal entering politics, Vishal entering politics, Vijay entering politics, Ajith entering politics (*Koluthi poduvom* Thenavattu Thangavelus…Ratings…remember? No cross question)…Should I also contemplate standing in elections? Hey, they need a tough competitor you see!
